A Love Note to My 14 Year Old Self...

Happy 14th birthday, Chris!

I'm sure this will be strange to hear but 20 years from now you will be grateful for these awkward teen years and the struggles you are facing...even the ones you don't want to talk to anyone about. Twenty years from now you'll have much different ideas about what is important because you don't live in Hawaii, you didn't go on a 2 year mission, you don't live next door to your childhood best friend, and you don't have the kids, car and job that you keep wishing for when you play MASH.

But hang on, because the twists and the turns that will smack you in your face over the next 20 years are the gifts that will fill your life with substance.  

Twenty years from now you won't be a beach volleyball star because your life is going to take a much different course. The air you breathe in and out every single day will have a much deeper meaning to you. It's easy to take for granted now, and that's okay. But this one minute detail won't be minute at all. You will feel grateful and value every single breath you take. 

I am proud of you, Chris.  I know you don't hear that a lot.  I know you're frustrated and the things you do sometimes seem like background noise when you try to share something. But trust me, you're parents are proud of you, too. They're paying attention but they are raising SIX kids -- sometimes more than that with all of the friends they welcome into your home, which seems really annoying at times. But watching your siblings and their friends will teach you so much about life. You'll learn from their victories and their losses. 

Your siblings and your parents will be some of your biggest cheerleaders. You'll laugh about the things that made you cry, scream, kick and pull eachother's hair. Believe it or not, your siblings will actually apologize to you for playing games like Poltergeist, making you "run to the light" because they couldn't see you. Though sibling torture will make you wish you were an only child more often than not, you'll grow up and realize how great you had it. So suck it up because these things help build your character. 

As the youngest of six, you're already honing a major super power.  Listening.  Listening is an amazing skill that will serve you well...in life, love and all things important.  One day you will use this skill to start your own business and be part of helping other people start their business.  Listening will take you places you can't imagine because through this simple act you will learn how to communicate, hear an idea and help someone transform that idea into something greater.  

Listening will also serve you well through the great losses in your life.  You're scared of having a photographic memory but if you embrace it, especially during the moments in life that you want to remember, you'll be able to play those as easily as popping in your favorite movie. And about that, it's okay to admit that you love The Last Dragon without shame. Embrace the things that make you different from your friends because, Chris, this is the good stuff. 

Your parents tell you that your grandparents won't be around forever and sometimes you roll your eyes.  But they're right.  I'm telling you this because I want you to enjoy the time you have with them. The stories.  The card games. The puzzles. Ask them questions about their life. Ask them WHY they can cook 50 different types of meals only using potatoes -- there's a reason.  Ask them everything you want to ask them because when you're older, you'll want to know these things. You'll want to know EVERYTHING about them.

Keep drawing and stop throwing away everything that isn't perfect. You don't have to be perfect. Life is messy and the messy is what makes it great. So keep giving your family the cards that you draw for them. One day, even though it doesn't seem like a big deal now, they'll each tell you how much it meant. 

And here's a big secret I'm going to share with you. Twenty years from now it won't be weird to love a girl. You won't feel like you have to choose between what you think God wants for you and being true to yourself, because you'll realize that you're living the life you were meant to live. Seriously. Twenty years from now you'll have met the girl of your dreams and you'll be planning a wedding in Hawaii. And guess what? Your family will be behind you 100%...even your parents -- especially your parents.

You will grow up to be exactly who you are meant to be. So buckle your seatbelt, Chris, and get ready for the bumps in the road ahead. Smile and laugh and hold on tight when you fly over the hills and your stomach drops. Because twenty years later, your life keeps getting better.

Much love,

You at 34

Finding A Church Is Like Going On A Blind Date

Amanda and I relocated to Seattle from Kansas City a little over a year ago. Throughout our relationship we've talked about spirituality versus religion. As two very liberal thinkers, the confines of religion can be a difficult concept to fully grasp, but the idea is something we've continued to pursue. Our goal is to find a place where we feel accepted, connected, and inspired.

Finding a congregation can sometimes feel like going on a blind date; walking into an unknown place full of strangers, sitting down, trying to feel a connection...to the people, to the person speaking (indirectly) to you at the front, the words being spoken, the environment. And then when you leave, being honest with yourself about whether you want to go on another date, or continue to see them.

I'll be perfectly honest -- it's intimidating.  So intimidating that here's a confession: sometimes we've made it all the way to the parking lot and just couldn't muster the will to go inside. 

Growing up, I was raised in the Mormon (LDS) church. NO, my parents weren't polygamists and my life reflected nothing similar to what you may have seen on Big Love or Sister Wives.

It's a fair question because there's so much misinformation about different sects of Mormonism...but the answer is no.

I've always been grateful for my upbringing -- something I can say without hesitation. I went to church every Sunday with my family where we usually took up a pew in the back. Just sitting in church, I can remember how close I felt to them. Maybe that's part of what I loved about it. It was the one day where no matter, we stopped what we were doing and did something as a family. People would even comment that we looked like a train of people with interlocked arms around the other. If someone crossed their legs and shifted the other way, the train of arms shifted too.

I grew up in the Blue Springs First Ward and stayed in the same congregation until I moved out of state at 17. Part of me will always consider that to be home -- the people, the experience, it has a special place in my heart. It's hard to explain or put it into words but it was different. We were a tight knit community and saw each other through toddler years, awkward kid phases, teen angst. That's the good stuff.

For Mormons, going to church on Sunday is a 3 hour commitment (sometimes longer). 1 hour = Sacrament, 1 hour = Sunday School, 1 hour = dividing into Women/Men groups. I also spent much of my adolescence in seminary aka bible study before school. That's a large portion of your upbringing devoted to building a relationship with God and diving into your belief system. My dream growing up was to serve a mission for my church. My brother served in the Dominican Republic, my sister at Temple Square in Salt Lake City, and I wanted to be just like them. But when I was in high school, I was beginning to discover / admit things about myself.  I knew that the one way my church wouldn't embrace me (being gay) would ultimately mean that I couldn't serve a mission for them. It took me years to figure out how to deal with that disappointment. How could being gay (my sexual preference) have such a negative effect on the good that I wanted to do (devote 2 years of my life to my relationship with God)?

Being a religious person eventually morphed into being a spiritual one, building a relationship with God outside of the walls that I was once comfortable sitting within. Looking back, I'm not sure if it was that I truly didn't belong to the places that I tried on, or if I felt that way because I carried a different truth and was fearful of how others would react to it.  I hid the truth about who I was for roughly 30 years. The pronoun game consumed how I talked about my life. I was the person who was more willing to talk about what everyone else was doing, which in some ways made me a good friend. But I did my friends and family a disservice because I was only willing to meet them part way.

I'm now 100% open about my life because I love every single part of it and who I am.  

I'm not ashamed of who I love and I no longer feel like I have to hide it; quite the opposite, actually.  It's something I celebrate because I'm one of those crazy people who actually found the girl I always dreamt about. Now that I have her, I have an overwhelming desire to continue to expand my beliefs on love and life. She challenges me to be a better person, in every way.

Perhaps this is the reason that finding that connection -- whether it's spiritual or religious -- has become even more important to me. I'm not sure that I'll find what I'm looking for through organized religion, but it's exciting to share that journey together.

It's about taking a moment to stop the chaos that surrounds daily life and breathe in the reality that we're just tiny pieces in a great big world trying to make the most of our time here.

Be Who You Want To Be

There's something rejuvenating about a fresh start.  Even if you don't make new year resolutions, there's something about turning the calendar to January, or February, or the next month.  Personally, I don't make traditional resolutions.  I focus instead on setting goals and continuously adding things to my Bucket List, no matter how much time it takes me to reach them.

2013 was a great year for crossing some pretty big items off my list.  It was the year that I made moves toward becoming the boss of my own happiness.  I read a lot--a lot of books, magazines, blogs, case studies.  I marinated on an overwhelming amount of expertise from people I respect.

(Need a little help?  Check out some of my favorite blogs: Seth, Chris, Scott, Simon, Brene, Andrea. Have a suggestion? Message me.)

I committed to my ideas; even the ideas that seemed completely out of reach...like meeting my design hero.  I fired off an email last February, sent it out into the universe expecting nothing in return, and a few days later my phone rang (thanks for that, Aaron).  Nothing prepares you for answering that call and NOT sounding like a school girl.  And that's okay.  Being vulnerable is authentic.

Life is too short to not go after the things you want and be who you want to be.  This year, I'm focusing on committing more to my ideas and building a path to make it happen.  Some are small steps, others are big strides.  Some goals will be reached in a short time and others may take a year or longer.  I'm okay with that.  For me, it's about enjoying the journey, sharing the road, leaning in, and learning how to be a better me.

Listen. Learn. Adapt.

I've noticed as I've grown older that I do less talking and more listening. This is a good thing. After all, I know me. I've known me for 32 years. I'm more interested in things that aren't me; things that help me to be better, do better and see things in a different light.

As the youngest of six kids, my role was often that of the listener...but I wasn't always a good one. I try harder now.  I make an effort to trim the noise and listen.  Really listen. 

It's a great way to learn; learn about other people, methods, process, insight, ideas, best practice, new practice, etc. Learning enables me to change, improve and adapt. I've found that I do my best work when I follow this formula.  

Listen. Learn. Adapt.

Never Stop Learning

I've noticed that when I sit still, without any distractions...my life seems to fall into place. It's clearer somehow.

Today, I found myself missing my Grandpa Jack and wondering what my life would look like if he was still here.
I miss the stories,
the laughter,
his jokes,
his insight.
I even miss the way his leather chair smelled when I would fall asleep in it,
or the warmth I felt when he would walk by and cover me up with a blanket.

My grandpa was one of my best friends growing up. He was present...always. The last thing he said to me was "Never stop learning; when we stop learning, we stop growing." These words have served as a mantra in my life.  They played a major role when I pushed myself to graduate from college...to go for my MBA...to start my own business...to open my heart.

I've noticed that when I sit still, without any distractions...I sometimes hear his voice in my head telling me to keep going...that there is more in store for me...to keep learning.

Who You Are

I was at a networking event recently when someone asked me the question, "What are you about?"  Naturally, I started talking about what I love to do in a business sense.  He stopped me and said, "No, I mean you...what are you about?"

Great question.  Not everyone asks this question point blank.  In fact, it's rare to be asked such a thing in these situations.  But even when people ask what you do, they are really asking who you are.  They are trying to gauge whether you're someone they want to stay connected with.  As business professionals, we are conditioned to format what we do (not who we are) into a 1-minute elevator speech. 

Think about the information that you lead with.  It's not always about what you do.  People want to connect with who you are. 

Ring of Fire

I am often overwhelmed by the natural awe that surrounds me.  Like this sky.  It's sort of like a blended beauty of simplicity and complexity. Living in the Midwest has its downfalls -- no beach, which my brother in FL always rubs in.  Likewise, my sisters living in UT would chime in with "and no mountains." But, one of the positives is the amazing sunrise and sunset. If you're not paying attention you could easily miss it. While taking the dogs out this morning I noticed what looked like a ring of fire in the sky. It was still there on my way to work an hour later.  The longer I stared at it the funnier it was to me.  Why?  It was like someone grabbed a cloud, wound it up in a softball pitch and threw it at the sun.  The result?  A really cool sky blended from orange to dark blue.  The rays were just beaming all over the place and I couldn't help but smile.

It's moments like that when I realize just how small I am in the grand scheme of things.  It's a humbling feeling to say the least.  It makes me happy to be exactly where I am right now and it also reminds me that no matter how busy life gets, sometimes you just need to  

stop, 
look up, 
breathe it all in, 
and feel your feet on the ground.

Ideas 2 Share

One of my favorite things to do at the beginning of every week is watch/listen/read a few inspirational talks:

TED, 99%, commencement speeches

There are so many great messages out there -- so many people that have something to teach and pass on.

I recently stumbled upon a newer site (to me) - Creative Mornings: a global, monthly breakfast lecture series for creative types.  If you only have an hour to spare today, check out this talk from designer Aaron James Draplin of Draplin Design Co.  He gives an insightful view into his personal journey, hands out hilarious life lessons, and tells it like it is.

One thing that stuck out is right around 32:50 in the video where Draplin talks about Knowing What Really Matters in the End.  For him, it meant finding the time to help out a friend.  He touches on this more than once in his lecture and reminds us to leave room for the free stuff -- not just the things you're going to get paid for.  Passion projects aren't always money makers...but often times, they become the projects that you're most proud of.

Portland/CreativeMornings - Aaron James Draplin from CreativeMornings/Portland on Vimeo.

Zombie Chase

I hoard biz mag rags like they are family heirlooms.  I catalogue stories on entrepreneurs, startups, and other creatives for inspiration.  While reading Entrepreneur magazine this month, editor Amy Cosper (@entMagazineAmy) shared an extremely personal experience regarding losing everything in a recent fire.  Everything.  There's always an editor's note.  But this one was special...perhaps because it was so raw, open and honest.  It made me reflect on what holds me back from doing certain things, and how I would feel if I lost everything tomorrow.

Blame it on reading in bed at midnight, or that the new Resident Evil commercial was playing on TV in the background...but this was my thought: If you were running from a zombie, what would make your list of would've, should've, could've?  More than that...if you survived and had the opportunity to "reintegrate," how would you build your newly invigorated life?  I realize this is an extreme example to jump start the thought, but extreme is often necessary to provoke change.

Like many, there are things that I want to do but haven't found the time.  Why?  I'm stuck in my routine.

Today, I changed the routine.
I woke up an hour earlier.
I spent more time with my family before work.
I meditated about weaving all the things I want out of my dreams and into my reality.
I drove a different route.

I'm building my "would've, should've, could've" answer slowly...but I think I'm finally asking myself the right questions. 

On this birthday...

I am thankful for the twists & turns that brought me to this place at this time. I wouldn't change a thing. Here's to 32!

Shared Space

"Be courteous to all, but intimate with few -- and let those few be well tried before you give them your confidence.  True friendship is a plant of slow growth and must undergo and withstand the shocks of adversity before it is entitled to the application."  -George Washington

When I was young, I always wanted time to speed up -- to get me to the place I had envisioned.  Move faster.  Now, it's the opposite.  I wish time would stand still for awhile -- let me breathe it in; sit on top of the world and observe the entire picture -- not just the scene I'm standing in.

So much of life seems like a rat race -- get where you're going faster, bigger, better, stronger.  You work so hard and sometimes forget to stop and appreciate what (and who) is around you.

I spent time with a very dear friend this week who paid me one of the best compliments I've ever received.  She said, "I can't tell you how great it is to just be in the same space with you."  

How simple.  Shared space.

The feeling was mutual. The time dedicated to sharing space with others seems rare...and at times, almost impossible.  We discussed growing older and how it's strange to reflect on the people that fall in and out of your circle.  They're like ghosts; a movie you think you've seen but can't remember the ending.  The friendships that remain -- those that resurface no matter how much times passes -- these are the friendships that are generally more meaningful.  They've become more valued.  More present.  More poignant.  Perhaps the application of shared time is just as rare as the intimacy of shared space.  

Like Ridin' a Bike

"Life is like riding a bicycle; to keep your balance, you must keep moving." -Albert Einstein

Einstein was right. But maybe he was also wrong. I think sometimes you have to stop moving so you can fall off.

In falling, there is also balance. A sense of being grounded. A clean slate.

Falling gives you the chance to stop going round and round. To start over and move in a different direction.

Balance

The truth is balance, but the opposite of truth, which is unbalance, may not be a lie., a photo by chrislewman on Flickr.

As I get older, the hours that once seemed to endlessly flow are now overbooked.  Twenty-four hours just isn't enough to accomplish everything that I need to in one day.  After staying up into the wee hours, I often find myself squeezing a "to do" list in at 6am or any other random time throughout the day that isn't devoted to something else.  I'm constantly striving for more work/life balance.  

While sitting in the Starbucks drive-thru today [checking my gmail, ical, work email, work calendar & twitter] I began to think, "Is balance really possible?"  Balance for me could be imbalance for you.  And vice versa.

I think Susan Sontag said it best, "The truth is balance.  But the opposite of truth, which is unbalance, may not be a lie."

Where I've Been

Where My Feet Have Taken Me | It's amazing to look at this map and think about all the places in the world that my feet have taken me (shown in red)...and likewise, all the places they have yet to be. I would like to think that domestic and international travel has helped shape me into a well-rounded person, but who's to say what "well-rounded" really means? Experiencing what life is like in other countries is always an opportunity that I welcome with open arms. I've never really thought about it, but maybe I have this outlook because of my mom. When I was younger, it wasn't unusual for my siblings and I to come home to a packed car with a map of the U.S. in the passenger seat. I remember stages of my life through the road trips that we took. Mountain Dew, beef jerky, sunflower seeds, and mixed tapes...all staples to our cross country drives. I had an amazing childhood thanks to loving parents and siblings that I wouldn't trade for anything (though, that wasn't always the case : ). My mom taught me to be adventurous, and to love the idea of the unknown. She taught me to embrace other people, other cultures, and to "know no stranger." My grandma had the same philosophy in life, and if you had the privilege of knowing her, it's not hard to guess why my mom turned out the way she did...and why I, too, am growing into the person I am today.

My Grandpa Jack was the same way -- he loved exploring the world around him...from his backyard to wherever his feet took him. He was a builder who left his legacy standing in the sound structures he built with his own two hands, from the West Coast to the Midwest. My dad's parents traveled all over the states, so he, too, saw the world from the passenger's seat. Sadly, I think this is something that today's generations will not experience. Today, it seems like it's all about "hurry up and wait" and road trips take far too long versus the comfort of a cushy plane ride.

As I have often said, when people ask me about where I've been, I've traveled thousands of miles but hardly touched a speck of the world around me. Hopefully, in another 30 years of life, more and more of this map will turn red...but only time will tell where my feet will take me next.

Top 5 Places I'd Like to Visit:
1. Samoa
2. Scotland
3. Africa
4. India
5. Thailand

If you're wondering where I got this awesome map, Google "World 66," or just click here: http://www.world66.com/