Here Comes Happily Ever After...

Life.
Love.
The pursuit of happiness.

Four years ago I was sitting in a bar with some amazing friends who had kidnapped me because my roller coaster of a relationship had ended -- more like crash landed with a really loud thud...a Die Hard kind of explosion. I was fading into a peaceful oblivion, silently swearing off relationships and saying to myself "This is my year to be alone--to figure it out."

Suddenly, in walked the woman who would become the love of my life and show me that everything I thought I knew about love was only a mere fraction of the story we would write together.

Our circle of friends came together that night, though neither of us had intended to be there. Looking back, I can see that there was a much bigger purpose.

A greater force was at play.
Stars aligned.
It was serendipitous.

She was smart, witty, funny, flirty...and openly gay -- huge bonus. We didn't exchange numbers but there was something about this girl.  As I watched her walk away at the end of the night, I honestly thought I would never see her again.  But the possibility of how a relationship could be stayed with me. The best conversation of my life began that night...and it never stopped.

From the very beginning, we were different. We'd both been through the relationship nightmare(s) and were determined to not take for granted that one little gift that every relationship begins with...trust. We were better partners than we'd ever been before. Better friends. With more understanding. More patience. More of everything. We encountered so many obstacles, from exes who randomly drunk texted or showed up, to friends we lost along the way because they were more interested in the sadder version of who we once were. But with the bad came an enormous amount of good in the form of unwavering support from family and friends who could see that we were genuinely happy.

For the first time in my life, I was thinking about marriage--an idea I had let go of a long time ago not only because it wasn't legal for same sex couples, but because I never had the desire to be married. With more than 60% ending in divorce, it's easy to just say people are crazy for trying.  But I get it now...and I have since the first time I said "I love you."  My good friend Beth would say "To love someone is to risk knowing what it is like to be them." I honestly can't say it any better than that.

It's hard to plan a proposal that lives up to how special you want the most special person in your entire world to feel.  It took months of planning and thankfully, it all came together perfectly.  So this is for the friends and family that have been there with us along the way, many of whom have asked, "So...how'd you ask?"

THE PROPOSAL STORY...

I solicited the help of our good friends, Ashlee and Katie, to pick Amanda up.  I was "running late" and going to meet them at brunch.  When she got into the car, they gave her a gift -- a popup book I made for her about our relationship...(see video).

(If the video comes in blurry, let it play to :15 seconds and then restart it. It will load a little clearer the next time you play it. You can also enlarge the view in the bottom right corner of the video player.)

Direct video link: http://youtu.be/gnNOFRW2m30

While Amanda read the book, Katie and Ashlee drove her to meet me at a gallery nearby.  When she arrived, there was a window display that featured some favorite moments of our very first conversations back and forth to each other...the beginning of our love story.

 

(I love this picture because you can see the reflection of my accomplices capturing her reaction for me. Thanks Ash!)

(More photos from my accomplices)

As she entered, there was music playing overhead. I made a playlist for her called "Marry Me" that had been on my iPhone for months.  The nights leading up to the proposal I spent listening to it...annoyingly so to Amanda who had no idea why I suddenly liked listening to my headphones while the TV was on.  But I just wanted to make sure it would play without a hitch.

There were stations set up with candles that guided her along a path.  Each had a note from me and something relevant to that note.

Stop #1: Our very first Christmas, we made nearly the exact same gift for each other.  I made her a typography book and she gave me a scrapbook of our conversations / emails / notes which were more like "top 10" lists back and forth to each other.

Stop #2: This was one of my favorites.  Friends and family sent in advice on love, friendship and marriage.  They said things like:

"Marriage is like a never-ending slumber party with your best friend."

"Happiness is a loving 50/50 relationship with your soul mate. (giggle) Okay, how about 60/40?"

"The secret to a happy marriage is separate bathrooms."  

Who couldn't agree with that?

Stop #3: Amanda writes me letters.  These were a few of my favorites from our very first month of dating to our 3 year anniversary.  I wanted her to read them so she could remember how she felt and reflect on how far we've come.

Stop #4:  Cards I've drawn for her.  Everything from our first fight (which wasn't really a fight) to stick figures that say things like "If we dated in the 80s, I would totally pull a Lloyd Dobbler in your driveway." (Say Anything reference)  

She didn't read all of these...it was just another reminder. I wanted her to know how much I love dating her and made a promise to always up my woo game with little reminders of how ooey gooey I feel about her. 

Stop #5:  Our weird little happy family and things that have meaning to us.

Stop #6:  A quote from Dolly Parton, "If you want the rainbow, you gotta put up with the rain."  

Dolly holds a special place in Amanda's heart for many reasons.  We've only had two "some day" wishes.  One was to move west and get married (legally) and the other was to have Amanda's favorite artist, Jota Leal, commission a Dolly painting for us.  We're big art lovers and this was truly the ultimate "some day" piece.  

The last note told Amanda to turn the corner.  When she did, she found me standing in front of the Dolly painting that Jota painted...just for her.

(Jota Leal with our finished Dolly Parton commission)

I love this pic of Amanda looking at the painting after the proposal.

It's hard to explain the amazing lighting in this space, but it was one reason I chose it. The skylights open and close with cool old cranks. Only one was open that day shining perfectly down. 

What followed?  A lot of tears, a beautiful exchange of words, laughing, ugly crying, and of course the ultimate question on bended knee, "Will you marry me?"  Followed by a choked up "Yes!"  It was a day and a moment I will never forget, asking the girl of my dreams to marry me.  And now, we're on to the next fun part -- wedding planning.  

So to the friends and family that have supported us along the way, words can't express how much you mean to us.  Thank you for being part of our happily ever after.  This is only the beginning...

----------------------------------------------

P.S. to my girlfriend -- scratch that, my fiancé: you can no longer sing "if you like it then you shouldaputaringonit!" but I will truly miss the cute dance and hand wagging that always accompanied those infamous Beyonce lyrics :)

----------------------------------------------

SPECIAL THANKS TO:

Jota Leal and James Cowan of Morpheus Fine Art (jotaleal.com and morpheusgallery.com) for conspiring with me on the Dolly painting and delivering something that surpassed our expectations.

Ashlee & Katie for letting me steal part of your Sunday and for being really great sports about it!  We love you guys!

As another surprise for Amanda, I had our dog sitter and her friend (both amazing singers) record our 2 favorite songs.  Download their song covers with these links:

Heavenly Day Cover: CLICK HERE

Somewhere Over the Rainbow Cover: CLICK HERE

Kelly & Mindi - amazing friends who made me go out with them on the evening that Amanda and I met.  Sometimes, your friends really do know what's best for you :)

Friends & Family near and far away: being in Seattle is tough because we no longer have the luxury of being close in proximity to celebrate when we have good news...but we're thinking of you and loving you from afar.

Our parents: for your unconditional love, support and blessing. Thank you for loving us without question.

Aaron Draplin and the Field Notes Crew:  I could be wrong, but I think I may have just launched the world's first pop up proposal book and wouldn't have done it with anything but my favorite FIELD NOTES (fieldnotesbrand.com and draplin.com).

Sara Bareilles: Credit for the song in the video.  It is one of our favorites from her new album, The Blessed Unrest, called "I Choose You." (sarabmusic.com or https://twitter.com/sarabareilles)

Sharpie: Oh, how I love your Ultra Fine Point Marker.  I use them for...well, everything.

Lucca Great Finds: Amazing paper and where I buy FIELD NOTES locally.  I also bought the cool time capsule, and the 4 year sparkler there.  The staff was awesome on the phone and even more helpful in the store. (luccagreatfinds.com)

Marriage Equality: To the 16 states that have legalized same sex marriage, and those who will hopefully follow, thanks for believing that #loveislove. 

"And even better...I get to be the other half of you."

Love that line from our Sara Bareilles song -- it pretty much sums up how I feel.

I am beyond excited to marry this beautiful woman. Lucky me!

Change.

de.cide   /di'sid/   v.   [instrans.]   to come to a resolution in the mind as a result of consideration.

re.set  [transitive verb]  to set again or anew; to change the reading of often to zero.

change  [verb]  to become transformed or different; to make the form, nature, content or future course of (something) different from what it is or from what it would be if left alone.

Amanda and I left KC on a Saturday morning.  It was bittersweet to see the skyline in our rearview mirror.  Sad to leave the people we love but excited at the unknown possibilities that lie ahead for our weird little happy family.

It seems rare.  Those moments in life that ask you to step outside of your routine.  The moments that challenge you to make a decision to change or continue to stay the same.  Coming face to face with that very opportunity, we decided to take the more adventurous route: CHANGE.

"Change is good."  A trite but true cliche, depending on how you choose to see it.

I'm a Kansas City native.  It's the place I'll always consider to be my home.  We were lucky enough to spend the last two years in a cozy little nest in the Columbus Park area.  Calling a weird, funky little neighborhood our home made us fall in love with the city we grew up in in an entirely new way.  Our neighbor was a chef...like, a real one at a real restaurant.  We had a favorite Saturday morning brunch hangout where we loved the staff and became regulars to the point that they would hug us when we came in.  We loved waking up to church bells, sirens, and the whisper of city noise.  We loved Monday night nerd shenanigans where laptops & entrepreneurial ideas dominated trendy locally owned bars, also known to a select group as Geek Night.  We loved spending time with our friends and family and watching our nieces and nephews grow from tiny little people into miniature adults.  We love Kansas City.  It will always be home.

Our adventure took us from KC to Breckenridge, CO to Sundance, UT to Boise, ID and finally to Seattle.  Four days in a car should test your relationship but the cross-country road trip was exactly what we needed to reconnect.  The fields, the blue sky, the hundreds of miles of farmland, mountains, vineyards, sharing the road with people in airstream trailers.  I'd forgotten how much I truly love being on a road trip.  It never seemed like we had time for one...but I'm pretty sure it's going to become a new tradition, in smaller doses of course.

Some people probably think we're crazy.  Afterall, we traded our cushy healthcare jobs in and replaced our 2400 sq ft 2-car garage townhome for an almost 900 sq ft apartment in a great location with amazing views and no a/c (because apparently you don't need that here).

It's all in perception.  What's crazy to some makes perfect sense to us.  This was the opportunity to downsize and to change -- to make the future course of our lives different from what it would have been if left alone.  It's the opportunity to reinvent whatever we want our lives to look like.

So here's to change and the rediscovery that lies ahead...

How Screenland's Popcorn Turned Into A Kernel of Collaboration

A few months ago, I had the opportunity to meet with Butch Rigby, owner of Screenland Theatres. Screenland is launching a line of new gourmet popcorn that will be released in Kansas City later this year and Butch and I were kicking around ideas. He talked about popcorn like you might talk about buying a new car--you know, the one you've always dreamed of. Listening to Butch talk about a passion project is always exciting and fun. I was fascinated by the history lesson I received (yes, popcorn actually has one).  In fact, just talking to him made me reflect on some of my favorite memories involving popcorn.  If you think about it, you'll probably have a few of your own.

Screenland is all about the details.  From the murals on the sidewalls to Rosco the robot opening the curtains, Butch always uses local artists to add finishing touches to his theatres.  Its those details that make movie-watching at Screenland a unique experience.  And so it follows that the brand for Screenland's new popcorn must adhere to the same recipe -- unique, exciting, engaging, different.

Somewhere in the mix of popcorn chatting, collaborating at Geek Night with my buddies Chris Morris & Albert Tong, and winning a rooster from a recent hackathon, an idea presented itself:

Brand Lab.  >> Queue the Back to the Future scene where Doc Brown hit his head on the toilet and drew the flux capacitor. <<

The idea behind Brand Lab in its simplest form is to connect local business with local creatives to build a local brand...in only 24 hours.  Brand Lab is a partnership that aims to take the hackathon concept and apply it directly to businesses in our community.  Businesses will receive direct access to local creatives. Creatives gain the opportunity to work on a real case study while showing off their skills and competing for cash prizes. The overall goal is to use collaboration to apply innovative applications of creative, design and technology to existing local businesses -- businesses that make our communities thrive.

Will it work?  We're going to find out.  Brand Lab for Screenland will be held the weekend of March 22nd (more info here: screenland.eventbrite.com or brandlabkc.com).  This is an open call for creatives of all types to help us build a local brand for Screenland's new gourmet popcorn.  Cash prizes, food & drinks provided, an evening movie break, milk & cookies at midnight, and even guest speakers like Danny O'Neill, founder of The Roasterie -- an amazing local business celebrating its 20th anniversary this year.

With a small idea that started just a few months ago, I've been overwhelmed by the support we're receiving.  From participants who are excited to groups like KC Design Core lending their support, guest judges like local rock star of all things social (and good friend) Ramsey Mohsen, mentors like Jon Kohrs with Stand Up for Good, the team at Local Ruckus giving us shout outs...and the list goes on.  This is why I love Kansas City -- people are always eager to collaborate and work on projects that benefit our community.

For more info on Brand Lab, checkout the website or watch the intro video with Butch Rigby below.  His passion is contagious -- you'll see what I mean.  And if you're intrigued enough, maybe you'll even signup to be a part of something really special.

If video does not appear, use this link: bit.ly/popcornvid

Screenland Brand Lab 24 Hour Branding Competition creative direction by Chris Lewman, production by KJO Media.

Listen. Learn. Adapt.

I've noticed as I've grown older that I do less talking and more listening. This is a good thing. After all, I know me. I've known me for 32 years. I'm more interested in things that aren't me; things that help me to be better, do better and see things in a different light.

As the youngest of six kids, my role was often that of the listener...but I wasn't always a good one. I try harder now.  I make an effort to trim the noise and listen.  Really listen. 

It's a great way to learn; learn about other people, methods, process, insight, ideas, best practice, new practice, etc. Learning enables me to change, improve and adapt. I've found that I do my best work when I follow this formula.  

Listen. Learn. Adapt.

Winning A Rooster

Rent Pony Team: Andrew Evans, Chris Morris, Igor Kantor holding SPN Prairie Dog, Chris Lewman, Albert Tong

This is the story of how my girlfriend kicking me out (for a weekend) led to a rooster being pardoned in Iowa.  

Monday evenings in KC is known to a circle of designers, developers and entrepreneurs as "Geek Night."  Anyone who wants to join is always welcome.  We geeks meet at various venues around town to work on side projects, collaborate, ask for advice, give feedback and of course, take advantage of happy hour.  In other words, Geek Night is my poker night.  It's the night that my girlfriend lovingly kicks me out of the house and tells me to get the "geek speak" out of my system.  Oh, how I love her...and Geek Night.

A few weeks ago, fellow geek, Chris Morris, said to me,

     "Hey, let's go to Iowa."

     "Huh?"

     "Dwolla is hosting something called the Old MacDonald Hack Day and the first three prizes are a cow, a pig and a rooster."

     "You want me to road trip to Iowa with a car full of boys to win a farm animal?  I'm a vegetarian!"

     "So what!  Did you hear me?  We could actually win a cow, a pig or a rooster."

When I got home, I told my girlfriend how funny Chris was.  "Drive to Iowa...Old MacDonald...win a cow, a pig or a rooster."  By the time I was done rambling, she said, "I just signed you up.  You have to do this!"  I know, I have the coolest girlfriend in the world, right?  She buys me video games, too...and looks up cheat codes.  I'm lucky, to say the least.

The boys and I met to discuss potential ideas and landed on a top 5 list.  The challenge was to use fresh code and build something really cool that best utilized Dwolla API.  Dwolla makes paying anyone, anywhere easy, and it's better for business.  Unlike traditional payment networks where a business is charged a percentage (2.0% or higher per transaction), Dwolla charges .25 cents for transactions over $10.  Under $10 is free.  Learn more about Dwolla, here. 

Friday rolled around and the boys piled into my car.  We had a 3 hour ride ahead to choose our hack and decided on Chris M.'s idea: to build something that made paying rent easier.  We all chimed in expressing current frustrations about the tenant/landlord process and the fact that rent is one of the only checks that we still write.  We discussed how cool it would be to build a messaging component for landlords and tenants to communicate that would solve everything from late notices to maintenance requests, electronic reporting options, building neighborhood discussions, and the list goes on.  It was settled.  This was our idea.

The last hour of the trip was spent annoying each other with potential names for our rent app:

Rent Rooster.  

Rent Mate.  

Rent Daddy.  

Rents Due.  

Yo Rent.  

Rent Pal.  

Rentalicious.  

Renteriffic.  

Rent Mart.  

Rents Paid.  

Rent Ferret.  

Rent Dawg.  

Rentwa (mashup of Rent and Iowa).  

You get the idea.  We started looking up synonyms for "Money" and "Paid" and found "Pony up."  Suddenly, we yelled out, "Rent Pony."  Maybe it was the drive, maybe it was the full moon, or the fact that we'd never said "rent" so much in our entire lives, but we all agreed: Rent Pony it is.

Friday night, we partied with the Dwolla staff, and pitched our idea to Ben Milne, Dwolla CEO.  He loved it...and that was all the confirmation we needed.

Rent Pony Team with Ben Milne and Michael Schonfeld

The hackathon started at 9:30am the next day and since we were first to arrive, we snagged a private room with a view and a door.  Twenty-four hours later, we were sleep-deprived but full of caffeine and had a pretty cool looking app.  As designer for Rent Pony, I spent my time very wisely creating some playful buzz by turning Dwolla employees into Rent Pony pictures.

Building the Rent Pony Logo

Turning Dwolla Employees into Pony Portraits

As we listened to the presentations on Sunday, I was overwhelmed with the creativity and great ideas that filled the room.  I knew how hard my team had worked on Rent Pony, but I had a strong appreciation for the work that everyone had put in that weekend, especially the Dwolla team.  Several team members stuck around and spent the entire 24 hours with us.  They emptied our trash cans, brought us drinks, fed us milk and cookies at midnight, let us wake them up at 3am to ask questions, and more.  There was a great sense of community and collaboration.  Though we felt like we could fall asleep standing up, I was proud to present Rent Pony with my KC crew, not just to the distinguished judging panel, but to everyone who was there in support of what we were doing.  At the end of the day, we were just 5 geeks from Kansas City, hacking alongside geeks in Iowa, working together to build cool stuff.

Sneak Peek: Select Rent Pony Screenshots

After much deliberation, the judges announced the winners.  Full story recap on Dwolla (here) or Silicon Prairie News (here).  "And the rooster goes to....Rent Pony!"  We also received the runner up award for the Best Photo of the weekend (here).  

We were hoping to at least get a picture with the rooster.  Instead, we left Dwolla with strict instructions for our prize: pardon the rooster and donate prize money to charity on behalf of Rent Pony.

More to come on building out Rent Pony and publishing our app.  If you're in KC, stop by Geek Night where you'll be sure to find some of us speaking geek. Just look for a bunch of people with laptops and we'll welcome you with open arms.

Rent Pony Team:

• Albert Tong, iOS Architect, Designer & Developer, @alberttong
• Andrew Evans, Developer, Beergrammer, Back End, @agius
• SPN recently featured him here: Read About Andrew Evans
• Chris Morris, Interactive Web Developer, @bishop81
• Igor Kantor, iOS Developer, @iiiggs
• Chris Lewman, Designer, Marketing, Branding, @chrislewman 

Rent Pony Links:

• Show support: Rent Pony on Backly - if you like the idea, let us know
• Rent Pony on Twitter 
• Dwolla Blog - Photos & Old MacDonald Recap: Read Story Here 
• Silicon Prairie News: And The Cow Goes To...

Facebook Breakup

I admire those of you who have figured out how to Facebook like a champ.  Those who have successfully integrated it into your lives and thought "How did I ever live without this?"  Sadly, I am not one of those.  

A little over a year ago, I quit Facebook.  I unliked.  We broke up.  Why?  I was becoming less of a friend than I wanted to be.  Seeing everyone's photos and posts was great...for awhile.  Reconnecting with people that I grew up with was actually pretty cool.  But then, ironically, it seemed (to me) that when face-to-face, everyone had less and less to talk about.  I didn't feel like I needed to "check in" as often because if I wanted to know something about someone, I could probably find it on Facebook.  Phone calls had been replaced by posting quick congratulatory or other messages on a Facebook wall rather than having a real conversation. When I sat back, I realized that for me, by being too connected I had become unconnected.  

So I unplugged.  

I broke up with Facebook.

What followed was more than just un-liking Facebook.  It has been an attempt to reconnect with "my connections" in a more meaningful way. I needed time to try and figure out what that meant for me.  And I'm still figuring it out.  Mostly, it's an ongoing effort to be more present.  Paint it Forward is my way of journaling, figuring out my path, what works, what doesn't, and learning how I can do better. 

A few months ago, I had the opportunity to help a friend.  After the loss of her best friend, Beth began painting.  But painting hardly describes it.  Beth has a way of telling a story, both through her paintings and the amazing "words of art" that she sometimes shares with me.  She needed a way to post her growing portfolio online and update it without hassling with HTML and extensive website knowledge. In just a few evenings, we setup an easy to maintain blog and designed a business card together.  But it was more than just helping someone accomplish a few things on their business to do list.  When we spend time together, we really spend time.  And I love that.

What I received when painting it forward in this way far exceeded what I gave.  There is a common theme here.  When giving, I still end up on the receiving end.  It's funny how that works.

In all fairness, Facebook wasn't my nemesis.  I'm not telling anyone to quit.  It just didn't work for me.  I've learned that being unconnected gives me more opportunity to connect in ways that are meaningful for me.  And I'm okay with that.

Check out Beth's work at SignatureEAB.blogspot.com. 

Never Stop Learning

I've noticed that when I sit still, without any distractions...my life seems to fall into place. It's clearer somehow.

Today, I found myself missing my Grandpa Jack and wondering what my life would look like if he was still here.
I miss the stories,
the laughter,
his jokes,
his insight.
I even miss the way his leather chair smelled when I would fall asleep in it,
or the warmth I felt when he would walk by and cover me up with a blanket.

My grandpa was one of my best friends growing up. He was present...always. The last thing he said to me was "Never stop learning; when we stop learning, we stop growing." These words have served as a mantra in my life.  They played a major role when I pushed myself to graduate from college...to go for my MBA...to start my own business...to open my heart.

I've noticed that when I sit still, without any distractions...I sometimes hear his voice in my head telling me to keep going...that there is more in store for me...to keep learning.