A Love Note to My 14 Year Old Self...

Happy 14th birthday, Chris!

I'm sure this will be strange to hear but 20 years from now you will be grateful for these awkward teen years and the struggles you are facing...even the ones you don't want to talk to anyone about. Twenty years from now you'll have much different ideas about what is important because you don't live in Hawaii, you didn't go on a 2 year mission, you don't live next door to your childhood best friend, and you don't have the kids, car and job that you keep wishing for when you play MASH.

But hang on, because the twists and the turns that will smack you in your face over the next 20 years are the gifts that will fill your life with substance.  

Twenty years from now you won't be a beach volleyball star because your life is going to take a much different course. The air you breathe in and out every single day will have a much deeper meaning to you. It's easy to take for granted now, and that's okay. But this one minute detail won't be minute at all. You will feel grateful and value every single breath you take. 

I am proud of you, Chris.  I know you don't hear that a lot.  I know you're frustrated and the things you do sometimes seem like background noise when you try to share something. But trust me, you're parents are proud of you, too. They're paying attention but they are raising SIX kids -- sometimes more than that with all of the friends they welcome into your home, which seems really annoying at times. But watching your siblings and their friends will teach you so much about life. You'll learn from their victories and their losses. 

Your siblings and your parents will be some of your biggest cheerleaders. You'll laugh about the things that made you cry, scream, kick and pull eachother's hair. Believe it or not, your siblings will actually apologize to you for playing games like Poltergeist, making you "run to the light" because they couldn't see you. Though sibling torture will make you wish you were an only child more often than not, you'll grow up and realize how great you had it. So suck it up because these things help build your character. 

As the youngest of six, you're already honing a major super power.  Listening.  Listening is an amazing skill that will serve you well...in life, love and all things important.  One day you will use this skill to start your own business and be part of helping other people start their business.  Listening will take you places you can't imagine because through this simple act you will learn how to communicate, hear an idea and help someone transform that idea into something greater.  

Listening will also serve you well through the great losses in your life.  You're scared of having a photographic memory but if you embrace it, especially during the moments in life that you want to remember, you'll be able to play those as easily as popping in your favorite movie. And about that, it's okay to admit that you love The Last Dragon without shame. Embrace the things that make you different from your friends because, Chris, this is the good stuff. 

Your parents tell you that your grandparents won't be around forever and sometimes you roll your eyes.  But they're right.  I'm telling you this because I want you to enjoy the time you have with them. The stories.  The card games. The puzzles. Ask them questions about their life. Ask them WHY they can cook 50 different types of meals only using potatoes -- there's a reason.  Ask them everything you want to ask them because when you're older, you'll want to know these things. You'll want to know EVERYTHING about them.

Keep drawing and stop throwing away everything that isn't perfect. You don't have to be perfect. Life is messy and the messy is what makes it great. So keep giving your family the cards that you draw for them. One day, even though it doesn't seem like a big deal now, they'll each tell you how much it meant. 

And here's a big secret I'm going to share with you. Twenty years from now it won't be weird to love a girl. You won't feel like you have to choose between what you think God wants for you and being true to yourself, because you'll realize that you're living the life you were meant to live. Seriously. Twenty years from now you'll have met the girl of your dreams and you'll be planning a wedding in Hawaii. And guess what? Your family will be behind you 100%...even your parents -- especially your parents.

You will grow up to be exactly who you are meant to be. So buckle your seatbelt, Chris, and get ready for the bumps in the road ahead. Smile and laugh and hold on tight when you fly over the hills and your stomach drops. Because twenty years later, your life keeps getting better.

Much love,

You at 34

Stillness

Blondie and I made the trip to Mount Rainier recently -- the first of many trips to this beautiful place. We've seen it from a distance for more than a year to which Amanda always shakes her head in wonder and says "we live in a damn post card." She's right. Up close and personal, it gets even better. 

It was a great reminder of how easy it is to get bogged down, buried in routines day after day. We sometimes take the beauty that surrounds us for granted. Being in the mountains made me stop and appreciate where I am. It reminded me to pay attention and take notice of the things, ideas, people and places that wake something inside of me. I'm drawn to moments of silence in part because they are so rare -- and if I'm quiet enough, in the stillness, I get to a place of unbelievable peace. I am moved. I feel more connected to myself, my thoughts, and my dreams. Life's stresses seem to melt far away. I feel humble, happy, overwhelmed and even a touch fearful when faced with the sheer magnitude of how small I am. Nature has a way of putting you in your place and sometimes, that's exactly what you ( I ) need. 

Finding A Church Is Like Going On A Blind Date

Amanda and I relocated to Seattle from Kansas City a little over a year ago. Throughout our relationship we've talked about spirituality versus religion. As two very liberal thinkers, the confines of religion can be a difficult concept to fully grasp, but the idea is something we've continued to pursue. Our goal is to find a place where we feel accepted, connected, and inspired.

Finding a congregation can sometimes feel like going on a blind date; walking into an unknown place full of strangers, sitting down, trying to feel a connection...to the people, to the person speaking (indirectly) to you at the front, the words being spoken, the environment. And then when you leave, being honest with yourself about whether you want to go on another date, or continue to see them.

I'll be perfectly honest -- it's intimidating.  So intimidating that here's a confession: sometimes we've made it all the way to the parking lot and just couldn't muster the will to go inside. 

Growing up, I was raised in the Mormon (LDS) church. NO, my parents weren't polygamists and my life reflected nothing similar to what you may have seen on Big Love or Sister Wives.

It's a fair question because there's so much misinformation about different sects of Mormonism...but the answer is no.

I've always been grateful for my upbringing -- something I can say without hesitation. I went to church every Sunday with my family where we usually took up a pew in the back. Just sitting in church, I can remember how close I felt to them. Maybe that's part of what I loved about it. It was the one day where no matter, we stopped what we were doing and did something as a family. People would even comment that we looked like a train of people with interlocked arms around the other. If someone crossed their legs and shifted the other way, the train of arms shifted too.

I grew up in the Blue Springs First Ward and stayed in the same congregation until I moved out of state at 17. Part of me will always consider that to be home -- the people, the experience, it has a special place in my heart. It's hard to explain or put it into words but it was different. We were a tight knit community and saw each other through toddler years, awkward kid phases, teen angst. That's the good stuff.

For Mormons, going to church on Sunday is a 3 hour commitment (sometimes longer). 1 hour = Sacrament, 1 hour = Sunday School, 1 hour = dividing into Women/Men groups. I also spent much of my adolescence in seminary aka bible study before school. That's a large portion of your upbringing devoted to building a relationship with God and diving into your belief system. My dream growing up was to serve a mission for my church. My brother served in the Dominican Republic, my sister at Temple Square in Salt Lake City, and I wanted to be just like them. But when I was in high school, I was beginning to discover / admit things about myself.  I knew that the one way my church wouldn't embrace me (being gay) would ultimately mean that I couldn't serve a mission for them. It took me years to figure out how to deal with that disappointment. How could being gay (my sexual preference) have such a negative effect on the good that I wanted to do (devote 2 years of my life to my relationship with God)?

Being a religious person eventually morphed into being a spiritual one, building a relationship with God outside of the walls that I was once comfortable sitting within. Looking back, I'm not sure if it was that I truly didn't belong to the places that I tried on, or if I felt that way because I carried a different truth and was fearful of how others would react to it.  I hid the truth about who I was for roughly 30 years. The pronoun game consumed how I talked about my life. I was the person who was more willing to talk about what everyone else was doing, which in some ways made me a good friend. But I did my friends and family a disservice because I was only willing to meet them part way.

I'm now 100% open about my life because I love every single part of it and who I am.  

I'm not ashamed of who I love and I no longer feel like I have to hide it; quite the opposite, actually.  It's something I celebrate because I'm one of those crazy people who actually found the girl I always dreamt about. Now that I have her, I have an overwhelming desire to continue to expand my beliefs on love and life. She challenges me to be a better person, in every way.

Perhaps this is the reason that finding that connection -- whether it's spiritual or religious -- has become even more important to me. I'm not sure that I'll find what I'm looking for through organized religion, but it's exciting to share that journey together.

It's about taking a moment to stop the chaos that surrounds daily life and breathe in the reality that we're just tiny pieces in a great big world trying to make the most of our time here.

Happy Birthday Sonny

Yesterday was my Son's 7th birthday.  Emerson (aka Sonny, aka Henry, aka Bubba, aka Boogie) was a rescue who, like most rescues, had a tough beginning.  At the time, I didn't plan on getting a dog.  I was in the middle of grad school, at the end of a really bad relationship, and timing was anything but right.  I was making the routine Target run when I saw him out of the corner of my eye.  That's where adoption shelters are smart.  Even as a marketer, it's hard for me to resist interacting.  I walked over to his kennel and we stared at each other for awhile.  A young girl took him out and handed him to me like a baby.  He looked up at me, put his head on my shoulder and wrapped his arms around my neck (no joke).

"I'll take him!" I said without thinking. It was love at first sight.

That was the day my Son rescued me.  Six years later, we've lived in 5 houses together, met the girls of our dreams, and traveled cross country as a family to start a new adventure.  It's hard to believe he's already 7. So happy, happy birthday, Emerson! I'm thankful for you (and our girls) every single second of every single day.

Be Who You Want To Be

There's something rejuvenating about a fresh start.  Even if you don't make new year resolutions, there's something about turning the calendar to January, or February, or the next month.  Personally, I don't make traditional resolutions.  I focus instead on setting goals and continuously adding things to my Bucket List, no matter how much time it takes me to reach them.

2013 was a great year for crossing some pretty big items off my list.  It was the year that I made moves toward becoming the boss of my own happiness.  I read a lot--a lot of books, magazines, blogs, case studies.  I marinated on an overwhelming amount of expertise from people I respect.

(Need a little help?  Check out some of my favorite blogs: Seth, Chris, Scott, Simon, Brene, Andrea. Have a suggestion? Message me.)

I committed to my ideas; even the ideas that seemed completely out of reach...like meeting my design hero.  I fired off an email last February, sent it out into the universe expecting nothing in return, and a few days later my phone rang (thanks for that, Aaron).  Nothing prepares you for answering that call and NOT sounding like a school girl.  And that's okay.  Being vulnerable is authentic.

Life is too short to not go after the things you want and be who you want to be.  This year, I'm focusing on committing more to my ideas and building a path to make it happen.  Some are small steps, others are big strides.  Some goals will be reached in a short time and others may take a year or longer.  I'm okay with that.  For me, it's about enjoying the journey, sharing the road, leaning in, and learning how to be a better me.

Here Comes Happily Ever After...

Life.
Love.
The pursuit of happiness.

Four years ago I was sitting in a bar with some amazing friends who had kidnapped me because my roller coaster of a relationship had ended -- more like crash landed with a really loud thud...a Die Hard kind of explosion. I was fading into a peaceful oblivion, silently swearing off relationships and saying to myself "This is my year to be alone--to figure it out."

Suddenly, in walked the woman who would become the love of my life and show me that everything I thought I knew about love was only a mere fraction of the story we would write together.

Our circle of friends came together that night, though neither of us had intended to be there. Looking back, I can see that there was a much bigger purpose.

A greater force was at play.
Stars aligned.
It was serendipitous.

She was smart, witty, funny, flirty...and openly gay -- huge bonus. We didn't exchange numbers but there was something about this girl.  As I watched her walk away at the end of the night, I honestly thought I would never see her again.  But the possibility of how a relationship could be stayed with me. The best conversation of my life began that night...and it never stopped.

From the very beginning, we were different. We'd both been through the relationship nightmare(s) and were determined to not take for granted that one little gift that every relationship begins with...trust. We were better partners than we'd ever been before. Better friends. With more understanding. More patience. More of everything. We encountered so many obstacles, from exes who randomly drunk texted or showed up, to friends we lost along the way because they were more interested in the sadder version of who we once were. But with the bad came an enormous amount of good in the form of unwavering support from family and friends who could see that we were genuinely happy.

For the first time in my life, I was thinking about marriage--an idea I had let go of a long time ago not only because it wasn't legal for same sex couples, but because I never had the desire to be married. With more than 60% ending in divorce, it's easy to just say people are crazy for trying.  But I get it now...and I have since the first time I said "I love you."  My good friend Beth would say "To love someone is to risk knowing what it is like to be them." I honestly can't say it any better than that.

It's hard to plan a proposal that lives up to how special you want the most special person in your entire world to feel.  It took months of planning and thankfully, it all came together perfectly.  So this is for the friends and family that have been there with us along the way, many of whom have asked, "So...how'd you ask?"

THE PROPOSAL STORY...

I solicited the help of our good friends, Ashlee and Katie, to pick Amanda up.  I was "running late" and going to meet them at brunch.  When she got into the car, they gave her a gift -- a popup book I made for her about our relationship...(see video).

(If the video comes in blurry, let it play to :15 seconds and then restart it. It will load a little clearer the next time you play it. You can also enlarge the view in the bottom right corner of the video player.)

Direct video link: http://youtu.be/gnNOFRW2m30

While Amanda read the book, Katie and Ashlee drove her to meet me at a gallery nearby.  When she arrived, there was a window display that featured some favorite moments of our very first conversations back and forth to each other...the beginning of our love story.

 

(I love this picture because you can see the reflection of my accomplices capturing her reaction for me. Thanks Ash!)

(More photos from my accomplices)

As she entered, there was music playing overhead. I made a playlist for her called "Marry Me" that had been on my iPhone for months.  The nights leading up to the proposal I spent listening to it...annoyingly so to Amanda who had no idea why I suddenly liked listening to my headphones while the TV was on.  But I just wanted to make sure it would play without a hitch.

There were stations set up with candles that guided her along a path.  Each had a note from me and something relevant to that note.

Stop #1: Our very first Christmas, we made nearly the exact same gift for each other.  I made her a typography book and she gave me a scrapbook of our conversations / emails / notes which were more like "top 10" lists back and forth to each other.

Stop #2: This was one of my favorites.  Friends and family sent in advice on love, friendship and marriage.  They said things like:

"Marriage is like a never-ending slumber party with your best friend."

"Happiness is a loving 50/50 relationship with your soul mate. (giggle) Okay, how about 60/40?"

"The secret to a happy marriage is separate bathrooms."  

Who couldn't agree with that?

Stop #3: Amanda writes me letters.  These were a few of my favorites from our very first month of dating to our 3 year anniversary.  I wanted her to read them so she could remember how she felt and reflect on how far we've come.

Stop #4:  Cards I've drawn for her.  Everything from our first fight (which wasn't really a fight) to stick figures that say things like "If we dated in the 80s, I would totally pull a Lloyd Dobbler in your driveway." (Say Anything reference)  

She didn't read all of these...it was just another reminder. I wanted her to know how much I love dating her and made a promise to always up my woo game with little reminders of how ooey gooey I feel about her. 

Stop #5:  Our weird little happy family and things that have meaning to us.

Stop #6:  A quote from Dolly Parton, "If you want the rainbow, you gotta put up with the rain."  

Dolly holds a special place in Amanda's heart for many reasons.  We've only had two "some day" wishes.  One was to move west and get married (legally) and the other was to have Amanda's favorite artist, Jota Leal, commission a Dolly painting for us.  We're big art lovers and this was truly the ultimate "some day" piece.  

The last note told Amanda to turn the corner.  When she did, she found me standing in front of the Dolly painting that Jota painted...just for her.

(Jota Leal with our finished Dolly Parton commission)

I love this pic of Amanda looking at the painting after the proposal.

It's hard to explain the amazing lighting in this space, but it was one reason I chose it. The skylights open and close with cool old cranks. Only one was open that day shining perfectly down. 

What followed?  A lot of tears, a beautiful exchange of words, laughing, ugly crying, and of course the ultimate question on bended knee, "Will you marry me?"  Followed by a choked up "Yes!"  It was a day and a moment I will never forget, asking the girl of my dreams to marry me.  And now, we're on to the next fun part -- wedding planning.  

So to the friends and family that have supported us along the way, words can't express how much you mean to us.  Thank you for being part of our happily ever after.  This is only the beginning...

----------------------------------------------

P.S. to my girlfriend -- scratch that, my fiancé: you can no longer sing "if you like it then you shouldaputaringonit!" but I will truly miss the cute dance and hand wagging that always accompanied those infamous Beyonce lyrics :)

----------------------------------------------

SPECIAL THANKS TO:

Jota Leal and James Cowan of Morpheus Fine Art (jotaleal.com and morpheusgallery.com) for conspiring with me on the Dolly painting and delivering something that surpassed our expectations.

Ashlee & Katie for letting me steal part of your Sunday and for being really great sports about it!  We love you guys!

As another surprise for Amanda, I had our dog sitter and her friend (both amazing singers) record our 2 favorite songs.  Download their song covers with these links:

Heavenly Day Cover: CLICK HERE

Somewhere Over the Rainbow Cover: CLICK HERE

Kelly & Mindi - amazing friends who made me go out with them on the evening that Amanda and I met.  Sometimes, your friends really do know what's best for you :)

Friends & Family near and far away: being in Seattle is tough because we no longer have the luxury of being close in proximity to celebrate when we have good news...but we're thinking of you and loving you from afar.

Our parents: for your unconditional love, support and blessing. Thank you for loving us without question.

Aaron Draplin and the Field Notes Crew:  I could be wrong, but I think I may have just launched the world's first pop up proposal book and wouldn't have done it with anything but my favorite FIELD NOTES (fieldnotesbrand.com and draplin.com).

Sara Bareilles: Credit for the song in the video.  It is one of our favorites from her new album, The Blessed Unrest, called "I Choose You." (sarabmusic.com or https://twitter.com/sarabareilles)

Sharpie: Oh, how I love your Ultra Fine Point Marker.  I use them for...well, everything.

Lucca Great Finds: Amazing paper and where I buy FIELD NOTES locally.  I also bought the cool time capsule, and the 4 year sparkler there.  The staff was awesome on the phone and even more helpful in the store. (luccagreatfinds.com)

Marriage Equality: To the 16 states that have legalized same sex marriage, and those who will hopefully follow, thanks for believing that #loveislove. 

"And even better...I get to be the other half of you."

Love that line from our Sara Bareilles song -- it pretty much sums up how I feel.

I am beyond excited to marry this beautiful woman. Lucky me!

Change.

de.cide   /di'sid/   v.   [instrans.]   to come to a resolution in the mind as a result of consideration.

re.set  [transitive verb]  to set again or anew; to change the reading of often to zero.

change  [verb]  to become transformed or different; to make the form, nature, content or future course of (something) different from what it is or from what it would be if left alone.

Amanda and I left KC on a Saturday morning.  It was bittersweet to see the skyline in our rearview mirror.  Sad to leave the people we love but excited at the unknown possibilities that lie ahead for our weird little happy family.

It seems rare.  Those moments in life that ask you to step outside of your routine.  The moments that challenge you to make a decision to change or continue to stay the same.  Coming face to face with that very opportunity, we decided to take the more adventurous route: CHANGE.

"Change is good."  A trite but true cliche, depending on how you choose to see it.

I'm a Kansas City native.  It's the place I'll always consider to be my home.  We were lucky enough to spend the last two years in a cozy little nest in the Columbus Park area.  Calling a weird, funky little neighborhood our home made us fall in love with the city we grew up in in an entirely new way.  Our neighbor was a chef...like, a real one at a real restaurant.  We had a favorite Saturday morning brunch hangout where we loved the staff and became regulars to the point that they would hug us when we came in.  We loved waking up to church bells, sirens, and the whisper of city noise.  We loved Monday night nerd shenanigans where laptops & entrepreneurial ideas dominated trendy locally owned bars, also known to a select group as Geek Night.  We loved spending time with our friends and family and watching our nieces and nephews grow from tiny little people into miniature adults.  We love Kansas City.  It will always be home.

Our adventure took us from KC to Breckenridge, CO to Sundance, UT to Boise, ID and finally to Seattle.  Four days in a car should test your relationship but the cross-country road trip was exactly what we needed to reconnect.  The fields, the blue sky, the hundreds of miles of farmland, mountains, vineyards, sharing the road with people in airstream trailers.  I'd forgotten how much I truly love being on a road trip.  It never seemed like we had time for one...but I'm pretty sure it's going to become a new tradition, in smaller doses of course.

Some people probably think we're crazy.  Afterall, we traded our cushy healthcare jobs in and replaced our 2400 sq ft 2-car garage townhome for an almost 900 sq ft apartment in a great location with amazing views and no a/c (because apparently you don't need that here).

It's all in perception.  What's crazy to some makes perfect sense to us.  This was the opportunity to downsize and to change -- to make the future course of our lives different from what it would have been if left alone.  It's the opportunity to reinvent whatever we want our lives to look like.

So here's to change and the rediscovery that lies ahead...