08.21.09 - Day 2: Paint it Forward
Phase 3: Bringing the butterfly to life...
I'm getting there slowly but surely. Sometimes I stare at the things I create and think about throwing a fresh can of paint on it so that I can start completely over. I've been this way my whole life and I'm not sure where it comes from. I actually found my art folder from junior high and high school the other day. Teacher comments said things like, "Wonderful work but it would have been just as good the first time around." Or, "Was this what you originally started with?" One of my self portraits actually had the drawing on both sides...version A and version B. At the end, I actually liked version A better and I couldn't help but wonder [ode to Carrie Bradshaw]...
Why is it that we're always so unsatisfied with what we have -- from the itty bitty minute details to the really important things?
I guess it's the "grass is greener" illusion. I just don't know where it comes from with my artwork. My family has always been extremely supportive and full of encouragement. Yesterday, one of my sister's even came over just to see where I was at with this project [and also to give me a guilt trip about not painting HER anything...yet :)]. But she did say something that stuck with me..."I'm really glad you're finally using your talents again. Sometimes we get so far from our gifts that it's hard to see them." And maybe that's it...I always fear that what I do is sort of "use it or loose it"...and since I 'haven't been using it, maybe I've lost it.
In the end, it doesn't really matter because what I'm doing right now, I'm doing for me...and as I've always said...I could care less if others agree with what I'm painting.
So here's phase III, or what I like to call bringing the butterfly to life. As I was doing this phase, it became very apparent why this part of the poem spoke to me. "I live in a cocoon all safe and tucked away, building my wings, looking forward to the day when my wings will be strong and colors so bright, I'll break through the pain and...settle in the light." Even though I'm doing this piece for my sister, it's somewhat therapeutic for me, as well. It's all about finding peace with what I'm doing...and like the painting, I'm getting there slowly but surely.